I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
