my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
