a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
