Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
