That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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