Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Soap is not a condiment
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
