So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
