Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
