I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
