but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
