$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize