I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize