Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
