have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
