On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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