She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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