dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize