Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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