Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
