Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
