Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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