You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
