i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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