Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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