What a fucking waste of an outfit
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
