U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
