just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This toilet bowl is my home.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
