i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
third nipple confirmed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
