i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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