And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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