just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize