On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
