he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
