i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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