I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
