My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
