Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
