sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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