dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
