I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
