I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
