Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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