go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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