In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
