something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
