At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize