We're facebook friends in real life
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize