YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
