Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
