So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
