I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
