Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
