Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
