How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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