gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
