I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
