Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
