So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
