Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
