Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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