No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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