Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
