You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
