what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All the doctor said was why
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize