i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
