Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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