you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
