his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
