hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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