It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
